Tiptoe
by dreamingunderfloodlights
Summary: This was written a few years ago as a birthday fic for my friend but the only plot bunny I had was this and so I ended up having to make it up to her big time lol. Merlin and Arthur are together; Merlin has cancer and dies. Angst and feels!
1. Chapter 1

It had been a long day training and Arthur was beyond tired, not only had his father been going on at him again about how one day the Pendragon business and estate would be his, but he had hockey training for three hours as well… It was his birthday tomorrow and he still hadn't heard or seen from his best mate all week, something was up and he didn't like it one bit. Walking upstairs he opened his bedroom door, throwing his bag and jacket in the corner and sprawling out on his bed he took out his phone.

Send To: Merlin Emrys

'Merls, where are ya mate? It's my birthday tomorrow and I've not seen or heard from you since… '

- cancelled.

Now he came to think of it, when was the last time he saw Merlin? Sudden realisation hit him, breaking his heart slightly in panic as it did so… Last time he had seen his best friend, the man he loved, had been at Freya's funeral, he didn't really know her much but he had been there for Merlin. The flashbacks came flooding back into his mind, images haunting him of the night before the funeral…

'Merlin sat there on the edge of the bed, the photo of a young girl in his hands, his favourite black shirt next to him… Arthur walked over to him, sitting down on the other side of him, the look in Merlin's' eyes when he turned to look at him, the look of need, seeking comfort, he looked so scared… Putting his arm around him Arthur pulled him close, and layed them down on the bed, he held him all night as he felt the warm tears run down the other boys face, slipping onto his own t-shirt, there was nothing he could do for him except hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay'

That was a week and a half ago…

Send To: Merlin Emrys

'Merls, where are ya mate? I know you've been ignoring my voicemails but, just let me know you're okay yeah, I need to see you, or at least hear your voice… I'm missing you mate - although if you tell anyone I said that… Well you know the rest ahahaha, Love you, A xxx'

- Sent.

Placing his phone on the bed next to him he didn't expect to get a reply so quick…

Message From: Merlin Emrys

' Sorry Arthur, I didn't mean to worry you. Can I come round?

Love you too, M xxx'

Sending a quick message back telling him that's fine Arthur looked around his room, deciding that while Merlin has seen it in a worse state he should probably tidy up a bit.. And check what food they have in his stomach told him. Running downstairs he found some ice cream in the freezer, so grabbing two spoons and the tub he made his way back up to his room, putting the door on the latch in the process..

Less than 20 minutes later he heard the door click shut downstairs, and footsteps he would recognise anywhere running up the stairs before a head popped round his bedroom door. He could tell Merlin had ran all the way here by the flush in his cheeks, and he had never seen him look more beautiful!

Smiling as he stood, he walked over to the boy as he walked into the room, breathing still heavy from the run over, cheeks a rosy pink-red, warm with the blood in them, his dark hair sticking to his face from the rain that was still dripping down onto his face making his blue eyes glisten, Arthur's breath caught in his throat. He didn't mean to think out loud but it was too late, before he realised it the words had already slipped out his mouth; 'lets get you out those wet clothes.' This time it was his turn to blush, but Merlin just chuckled, 'Good to see you too Arthur…' as he took his coat off, hanging it over the chair by the desk.


	2. Chapter 2

Before they knew it they had indeed got Merlin out of his wet clothes, it had been too long since they saw each other last, Arthur had missed the feel of his boy under his hands, the taste of him on his lips. Therefore, there wasn't much conversation to be heard coming from the room, their lips crashing against each other, constantly battling for control, their tongues searching deeper and deeper, exploring the known territory with a new eagerness, in search for something, something new and exciting, the warmth of their breath brushing against the skin of the others face. Merlin moved over to the bed, laying down on it pulling Arthur along with him, as he did so he whispered in his ear 'I missed you too…'

That was all Arthur needed and he was on top of Merlin, a leg either side straddling him with ease, leaning down, crashing their lips together again, hands all over each other, pale in blonde, tanned in dark, roaming the others body till item by item their clothing was removed, laying there, wanting more of each other but taking their time, the flesh they touched was familiar to their fingertips, yet there was so much need to reconnect, to remember everything they felt as if it was new to them. Leaning over to the drawer next to his bed Arthur pulled out the essentials, the tube of lubricant placing it on the side as with hesitation he put his hand back in the drawer, his fingers brushing against the small packet at the back of the drawer, the edges grazing against the soft skin, he looked down into the sapphire orbs glancing up at him, hope in his own eyes, but joined with fear, there was a silent question in them… 'Are you still just mine, are we still safe' but his fear was only short lived as Merlin placed a hand on his cheek, answering out loud 'I'm only yours Arthur, always.' With that he shut the drawer with a smile, the unused precautions getting trapped away again.

Leaning down to plant a kiss on Merlin's mouth Arthur sighed softly, this kiss was different to the others, it was sweet, passionate, but also reassuring, telling Merlin that Arthur was his, and only his also. After preparing his fingers with the lubricant, he trailed his hand down Merlin's torso, round his hip, over his leg and down in between his thighs until he found the area he was looking for.

Pressing lightly against the skin at his entrance he began slipping in his finger, moving it in and out as he heard the other man sigh next to him, kissing him again, slow and deep as he added a second, then a third finger, Merlin's hand on the back of his neck, the other on the bicep of the arm Arthur was bracing himself up on so he could be above Merlin, granting them both better access to the others mouth while Arthurs fingers did their work. Suddenly, without warning he bent his fingers, hitting the spot that made Merlin cry out, again and again, over and over until Merlin was begging him for more. He knew what he meant. Withdrawing his fingers he repositioned himself so that he was once again above him, straddling his lean hips, arousal growing as their increasingly hard members touched. Putting more lube in his hand he coated himself before moving in between Merlin's legs. Leaning down to plant another kiss on his boys lips, followed by one on each of his nipples, and all the way down his stomach Arthur started to push himself into Merlin, gaining entrance. The warmth, the tightness that surrounded him, it was the greatest welcome he could ask for and it was something he would never tire of. He had been with one or two guys before him and his best friend finally admitted they loved each other, but none of them had been like this, nothing he had ever experienced made him feel the way being inside Merlin made him feel. The look on the face of the man below him made it all the better as well, his skin was shimmering with the slight sheen of sweat forming, his cheeks pink with arousal, his eyes were closed and his lips.. just the sight of his lips made Arthur moan, still swollen from the amount of kissing they had endured, they were wet and slightly parted, whispering his name over and over again. His head tipped back over the pillow showing off the expanse of pale neck, Arthur couldn't help himself, leaning down he placed a kiss on the pulse point before starting to suck on it as he built up the rhythm with his hips, a continuous motion of pulling out before crashing back down, until eventually he hit the spot again.

Once he had found the spot inside that made that sound escape from Merlin's lips, a sound that only Arthur could get from him, a sound that only Arthur would hear. Ever. He started to suck harder on the pulse point until he pulled his head away seeing the purple mark he had made on the other boys neck, claiming him as his own. Leaning back he smiled at the boy below him, smirking as Merlin looked back and said in a teasing voice 'see something you like?' … or at least he attempted to say it but not only did he have to form words around the moans that kept escaping his lips, but Arthur had just put his hand around Merlin's leaking hard on, wiping the pre-cum across the top with the tip of his thumb as he started to pump it in time with his hips.

'Arthur… Arthur, I cant… oh God Arthur, I'm going to…' but he was cut off yet again as Arthur kissed him softly, moving down to his ear as he whispered sweetly 'come for me Merlin, your lips around my name…' and almost as if he had been waiting for the permission Merlin came, shooting all over Arthurs hand, his ass tightening around Arthur making him come also, riding it out he tried to continue to move before collapsing on Merlin's chest, breathing heavy he pulled out reluctantly, they were both sticky and in need of cleaning after their games, so standing Arthur offered Merlin his hand.

Walking into the en-suite bathroom that extended off Arthurs room they turned on the shower and stepped under the steaming water, Merlin stepped in front of Arthur, leaning his head back against his shoulder as Arthur wrapped his arms around him, just letting the water run down on to them, the water trailing down their smooth skin while their hands caressed each other. Rinsing off their bodies in amongst kisses; passionate and long, Arthur massaging Merlin's shoulders as he washed his back, the water eventually started to turn cold.

Stepping out and wrapping towels around themselves they walked into the bedroom. After drying off and climbing back into bed, Merlin's head resting on Arthurs chest as they held each other, there was silence between them, not totally uncomfortable, but there was something about it Arthur didn't like. 'Where've you been Merls?' it was a conversation they were going to have to have at some point, so why not now… 'I didn't hear from you for nearly two weeks, let alone see you…' there was no other way to put it, he just had to say it like it was, however there were some things he wouldn't say, he couldn't, not even to Merlin.

Merlin didn't know where to begin, he could hear the pain in Arthurs voice, heard the things he wasn't saying and it broke his heart to know what he had put him through, the man he loved, the man he swore to himself he would never hurt. 'I'm sorry Arthur, I never meant to put you through all that, I… I just had to sort out some things, work out what I want from my life, since Freya died, It got me thinking about stuff…' he knew it was vague but it was all he could manage. Feeling Arthur shift slightly underneath him he should have expected the questions that came from the other boys lips.

'What does that mean though Merlin? You say from your life, does that include us? Is that why you've been avoiding me, do you not want to do this anymore…?' he heard his voice great Arthur Pendragon, the boy who could never be seen to break, never be seen to show any emotion. Merlin was an exception to that rule, but not completely, he usually had limits, the walls not completely broken down around them. He found that bit of freedom in Merlin, that spark of hope, a glimmer of true love, he didn't want to lose it. What Arthur wanted Arthur got, but he knew this was different. If Merlin wanted to call it off, he would let him, he wouldn't keep him beyond his wishes, he wouldn't hurt him like that.

Pulling himself up off Arthurs chest Merlin looked the other boy in the face, he could see all the feelings hidden, the fear that he was about to lose him, but also something that said he wouldn't stop him if that is what he really wanted, he wouldn't force him to stay if he didn't want to… 'I said I'm yours always Arthur, I still mean that. Even if it meant I had to lose everything else, I would sooner die than have to leave you!' he truly did mean what he said, Arthur was his world and he wouldn't let him go for anything.

Arthur couldn't help but smile at that, letting out the breath he didn't realise he had been holding, pulling his boy back down into his arms. Soon they were both asleep, holding on to each other, together they would get through whatever came at them, whatever it was Merlin was putting himself through, Arthur wasn't going to let him do this alone, and he knew Merlin felt the same!


	3. Chapter 3

That night they had both slept perfectly for the first time in weeks. Arthur now sat there, silent tears streaming down his face, sitting on the same bed, not much had changed in his room, he had moved out of his fathers home the week after that incident to go away to university, but now he was back here. Pulling the pillow over to him he held it close, more memories of him and Merlin in this room flooding back to him.

The day Merlin asked Arthur to move in with him for university. The night of his 18th, he had drank far too much and had to be helped upstairs by Merlin who he then made stay the night because he wouldn't let go of his hand.

The first time they said I Love you.

Just then his phone rang snapping him out of his reverie. Looking at the screen he saw it was Gwen, pressing the green button as quick as his shaking hands would allow, he answered 'Gwen…' - 'Arthur where are you!? You need to get down here a.s.a.p!' with that she hung up.

Panic took over his brain, his heart clenching in his chest, his stomach in knots, he grabbed his car keys, phone and the photo of him and Merlin when they were 17 up off his bed. Running down the stairs and out the house, he literally jumped into his car - he knew there was a reason he bought a convertable - and starting the engine he raced to the hospital. Once inside he took the stairs two at a time until he reached Merlins room, walking inside, out of breath and tears streaming down his face he looked at the bed. Merlins eyes looking back at him, that same scared look from when they were teenagers in them. 'Come on guys, lets go get some coffee.. leave these two alone' Morganas voice broke in, and with a thankful nod from Arthur they left.

'Merls…' he said sitting down, taking his hand in his own and putting the stuff down on the bed. Merlin turned to look at him with a look that broke Arthurs heart. 'I love you Arthur, more than anything, please remember that, and …' he cut off, his throat was dry and his voice was husky, tears started to trail down his fragile face 'and thank you. You made me feel like no one else ever could.'

No, this couldnt be happening… He couldn't be losing his Merlin, he just couldnt! 'No, Merls, dont say that, not yet, please!' he pleaded, tears slipping down his face, lifting the picture up to show him 'see this Merlin, this was taken two days after you said always.. always isnt up yet. You cant leave me, not now, please Merlin.. I dont know what i'm gonna do without you!' Merlin took the photo in his shaking hand, looking at it fondly.. 'I know, but I cant keep struggling, the battles nearly over, it was destiny us meeting, but this, this is something working against that.. theres nothing I can do Arthur, it was that same night i saw in your eyes you wouldnt force me to stay, I love you so much and I dont want to leave you, but I cant continue fighting this. The day I got diagnosed I was so scared, but you promised me that you would be there with me, and that I would always have the others.. well, I know you're scared but you're not alone, the other will be there for you, and …' but he couldn't carry on, it not only hurt physically but it was also breaking his heart to see Arthur like he was, he knew he didnt have long now, and so placing the picture on his chest he reached out with his free hand, taking hold of Arthurs face and planting a soft kiss on his lips he said goodbye. Laying back he closed his eyes, whispered 'I love you Arthur' and was gone.

The moment Arthur had been dreading since Merlins diagnosis, his whole world had just come crashing down around him, standing he gave him one last kiss on the forehead 'Love you too Merls…' and with that he left the room. As soon as he closed the door he felt the eyes watching his back, turning round he addressed their friends, tears streaming down his face.. 'He's gone guys…' he said as Leon pulled him into a hug, breaking down on his friends shoulder. The next thing he knew he was getting pulled out the way as doctors entered Merlin's room, their friends around him, each one silently sobbing, not sure what to say, what to do. 'I Better go ring Hunith…' he excused himself, but getting outside he just slumped against the wall, how was he going to do this.

After 5 minutes of sitting there he finally picked up his phone, scrolling through his phone book he found Hunith's number, pressing green he put the phone to his ear. After sevral rings she answered, but Arthurs voice caught in his throat 'Arthur.. Arthur are you there?' her voice cut through. 'yeah im here Hunith…' he knew she would hear the sobs as they escaped his throat, 'Hes gone Hunith.. Hes Gone…' he broke down on the phone, as he heard her gasp 'No Arthur, please No!'


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks later it came to Merlins funeral, Arthur hadnt been able to go back to the flat since that night in the hospital, but as he woke that morning he just felt he had to.. so getting up he rolled out of the spare bed he had taken to sleeping in in Lances flat, throwing on some jeans and a t-shirt he left the flat. Pulling up outside their building he stepped out, and slowly walked up the stairs, opening the door, a wave of emotion hit him. Walking into their bedroom he picked up Merlin's pillow, holding it close to his chest tightly, taking in the smell of Merlin one last time, it was then he noticed the envelope sitting on the bed where the pillow had just been… 'Arthur.' it read on the front, he knew straight away who it was from, that was Merlins handwriting. Sitting down on the bed he opened it slowly;

'Arthur,

If you're reading this it means I haven't been able to come home and remove it.. I want you to know that you meant the world to me and more, you were more than just my best friend, and more than just my partner, destiny brought us together, fate kept us going no matter what we faced. I guess you could say we were two sides of the same coin - meant to be together, by each others side through it all. Keep strong my love, and know that I will always be with you. You really where my prince, and I need you to keep battling on for me. Things will get easier, I promise. Im so proud of you my love, and I want you to conquer all thats ahead of you now, follow your dreams and keep me alive in your heart. I love you so much sweetie, never forget that!

Yours Always and forever.

M.

xxxxxxxxxx'

Gasping through sobs he realised this was it, he wasn't going to wake up, this was final, he was burying the man he loved today.

Standing up he walked over to the wardrobe, pulling out Merlins favourite black t-shirt with the silver dragon on, inhaling the smell of his love for the second time that day, holding onto it as long as possible, he pulled off his hoodie and put on the top. He knew those who mattered would recognise it as Merlins but he didn't care, pairing it with the smart dark jeans Merlin bought him, and a pair of smart black shoes he looked in the mirror. Merlin always hated him looking too formal for him, it reminded him of work and it was always a mood spoiler, and he wasn't going to do anything his boy didn't like today.

Walking out of the apartment he shut the door behind him, and running down to the car he made his way to Hunith's house. Walking in he was met with their friends, Hunith and his own father sat on the sofas before him. Upon his entrance his father stood up, and walking across to him he wrapped his arms around him, holding him in a way he hadn't done so since he was a child, comforting him. Over Arthur's shoulder Uther saw the cars pull up outside, and announcing their arrival let go of his son and walked outside with Gwen and Morgana. Taking Hunith's Arm he accompanied her out to the cars, but getting to the gate he froze. The long coffin in the back of the hearse, flowers in shades of red and yellow spelled out 'Son' on one side, 'Friend' on the other, and placed on the top was a heart from himself, it was only when he felt a small tug on his elbow that he pulled his eyes away. 'We need to get going Arthur sweetie.' Hunith's quiet voice cut through.

The drive to the church wasn't long but it felt like hours to Arthur. Pulling up outside he stepped out, helping the girls out and walked round to the back of the car. He had specifically asked if they could be the ones to carry Merlin in, and so gathering together with the Director stood Arthur, Lance, Leon, Will, Uther and Gwaine. Carrying their Brother, the boy who had been like a son to the older man, into the church.

Walking down the isle he felt everyone's eyes on them, staring… he could hear the occasional sniff as people cried, but none of what he heard, saw or smelt in the church mattered, all he could concentrate on was the weight on his right shoulder, he shouldn't be having to do this, not yet, but here he was, carrying the only man he ever loved through the church.

—-

They had been out for the night, some party or something, Arthur wasn't quite sure, all he knew is Merlin had wanted to go so badly and so he complied, but ever the lightweight Merls was now completely off his face and the lift to their apartment wasn't working so they had to use the stairs. Half way up Merlin sat down in the middle of the staircase, refusing to move. 'You'll have to carry me' he chided at Arthur with a smirk, there was no point in arguing with Merlin when he was in this state, so helping him up Arthur draped one of Merlin's arms round his neck, and lifted him up. He heard Merlin mumble something about 'My prince' before he fell asleep in his arms.

It was time to place Merlin down at the front, thus pulling Arthur out of the flashback, turning he went to sit with his friends. The priest started talking, talking about why we were there, about Merlin, but it wasn't right! This priest didn't know Merlin, all he had to go off was a sheet of information of Hunith! He had no right to stand there and talk about Merlin like he knew him! Morgana did a reading and Will said a few words, but the main task had been put on Arthur, to get up there and talk about his boy in a way that shared good times, times that most of these people weren't really interested in, times that were personal, feelings that were personal, memories that were his, his and their friends, they shouldn't get to share them. Just as this anger was building up inside him Uther patted his arm, motioning for him to go up to the front, it was time.

'Merlin Thomas Emrys, Aged 28. Taken away from us far too soon. He never saw the bad side in anyone, every single one of us in this room could have hurt him in one way or another a million times over, and he would still call us all friends. He was the only man I could truely open up to and talk about things with, he was my best friend for 23 years, and the love of my life for the past 11. When we first found out he was ill, he was so scared, I know he was for he admitted it to me not long after, but the first thing he said was not 'what am I going to do?' the first thing he thought of, the first person he was concerned about, was his mum. After the doctor told us and we walked out of the room, the first thing he said to me was 'What about mum?' She was his first priority in life, and he loved you more than anything Hunith. If he hadn't spoken to her at least once that week he wouldn't be able to settle until he knew she was okay. In second place were our friends, Gwen, Morgana, Will, Lance, Leon and last but not least Gwaine. Making sure you guys were happy was most of the most important things to him. I believe I also came under this category, definitely not above, I was no exception to his 'You upset them you feel my wrath' attitude when it came to the others. Also My Father, you were the missing father figure in his life, like Hunith is the mother in mine. You treated him and accepted him like a son, and he loved you just as much as he did his mother. And to everyone else in this room, you will each have known Merlin in your own ways, he truely was a special man. He was the best friend I could have ever asked for, and the love he showed me will be with me forever.

Sleep now Merls, Sweet dreams sweetheart, I'll see you soon, I promise!'

By the time he had finished the tears where streaming down his cheeks, the final words getting stuck in his throat, walking over he placed a tender kiss on the top of the coffin, his final kiss for the boy he loved.


End file.
